


Why Don't You Tell Us All About Her

by greatdumbking



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Awkward Tension, Canon Era, Completely ignoring Gwen but using her as a plot point, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s05e08 The Hollow Queen, First Kiss, Internalized Homophobia, Love Confessions, M/M, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, Protective Gwaine (Merlin), Season/Series 05
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-31
Updated: 2020-03-31
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:54:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23404078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greatdumbking/pseuds/greatdumbking
Summary: Arthur just can't seem to let go of the whole "girl" thing after Gwen mentioned it earlier that day. Gwaine confronts Arthur about his teasing, thinking it is a cruel attempt to show Merlin he doesn't return his feelings. Misunderstandings and revelations ensue.
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 24
Kudos: 556





	Why Don't You Tell Us All About Her

**Author's Note:**

> I love misunderstandings. can't get enough of em. Hope you enjoy this quarantine induced fic!

It was one of those rare nights, when the knights gathered at the tavern, and managed to drag their king along with them. It helped that Merlin was going too, and Arthur wasn’t quite done with effectively interrogating him about his _girl_ that Gwen had mentioned earlier that day.

But every time Arthur brought her up, Merlin just kept denying it and looked increasingly more dejected, and uncomfortable.

After the fiftieth plea of “Oh come on Merlin! Why won’t you tell us her name!” and “Are you sure she doesn’t have some sort of mental affliction?”, which were met by snickers from some of the knights but silence from the man himself, Gwaine pulled Arthur aside under the guise of ordering more drinks from the bar.

After seemingly struggling with himself for a few moments while waiting for their drinks, he suddenly turned to his king with a fierce look. “Forgive me your _highness_ , but you really shouldn’t be so cruel.”

“What on earth are you talking about?” Arthur rebuked, brushing him off, but starting at the intense look in his friend’s eyes.

“To Merlin.”

“When have I been cruel?” Arthur turned fully to Gwaine, but looked genuinely confused.

This seemed to do nothing but make Gwaine even angrier. “Oh drop the act, Arthur. Will you just stop the jokes about the _girl_ , please?”

“Why, do you know her? What’s he got to hide, is she ugly or something?” Arthur began to return the anger.

At this, Gwaine was flummoxed. _He really doesn’t know then?_

“You really are a thick headed fool, aren’t you.” Gwaine breathed out, shaking his head in disbelief.

“Hey now, careful, I am your king-“

“Just- just drop the jokes, ok?” Gwaine made to stand up but Arthur pulled him back down.

“Gwaine, what’s going on? Why shouldn’t I mention her?” Arthur sounded genuinely concerned, which just set off Gwaine.

“ God, Arthur- There is no girl! Don’t you get it? There isn’t one, and there never will be!”

Arthur was stunned into silence. So Gwaine continued “Look- I really, I shouldn’t have said anything. I thought you knew. But it’s clear you don’t-“

“Know what!” Arthur realized how desperate he sounded, so he tried to laugh it off with a joke, “What, are you implying that Merlin swings the other way?”

Gwaine’s sudden silence was answer enough for Arthur to realize his joke had some truth to it.

But Gwaine quickly recovered, “That’s not-that’s not what I said, ok? Ok?” He cursed and stood angrily, leaving Arthur with his drink and his thoughts, staring wide-eyed at Merlin across the room.

***

Arthur couldn’t sleep. The dark hours had brought with them a number of unwelcome revelations.

Cruel. That’s what Gwaine had called him. He had been trying to retrace his behaviour all night. It’s true, he had acted odd, and even admitted he felt vaguely malicious towards Merlin ever since he had learned about the _girl_ from Gwen. He had felt a sick need to know everything about her. To insult her. To insult Merlin.

He hadn’t realized until examining this malice more carefully that it was in fact, jealousy. It was the exact same thing he felt when he saw Gwen and Lancelot together. The jokes he had made at the tavern were the acts of a jealous man.

His claim upon Merlin’s attention and time hadn’t ever been contested before, so he had never fully realized that his default mode of thinking when it came to his servant was that he _did_ have a claim upon him. He always assumed Merlin’s life revolved around him, and only him. To have this assumption pulled out from under him by some _girl_ , had hurt.

But what hurt more, and what he had trouble admitting, even in the dark hours of the night, where he had allowed his fantasies about it to play out before, was the thought of him _wanting_ something- _someone-_ else. Arthur knew he had no claim upon this part of Merlin. But in his little bubble where Merlin had never seemed to want anyone at all, Arthur felt safe. It wasn’t him, but at least it wasn’t anyone else either. That bubble had burst that afternoon.

It was no secret to himself that he had become somewhat infatuated with Merlin over the past few years. To find that he’d acted on these emotions unknowingly, though, that was scary.

And now, well. Now Gwaine had practically told him that Merlin _liked_ men. And Gwaine thought he knew. And Gwaine thought Arthur was being cruel _because_ of it, that he would ridicule his closest friend for loving a man.

But all those thoughts, none of them compared to the enormity that night of the simplest one.

Merlin likes men.

_Holy shit._

***

Arthur held Gwaine back in the changing room after practice the next morning. He felt some need to work through some of these thoughts, lest he have another sleepless night.

So Arthur awkwardly stood there trying to breech the subject, but decided to just start head on. “I just-I wanted you to know that I didn’t intend to be cruel last night. And especially not because of any prejudices you thought I might have towards, those with certain…preferences. I don’t condone discrimination. I have an open mind about these…things.”

Gwaine stared at him blankly. “I never said you didn’t.”

“But- Gwaine you, you thought I was making fun of him for it.”

“That’s not what I meant!” Gwaine exclaimed, throwing his hands up.

“Then what on earth _did_ you mean?!” Arthur was starting to get exasperated.

“Gods, you two are exhausting. Why don’t you just ask him? I won’t betray any more secrets.” And with that Gwaine pushed past Arthur and left.

***

It took Arthur nearly a week before he broke down and decided to actually do it. The thought of having _that_ sort of conversation with Merlin was frankly terrifying. And what would he even say? Arthur was almost positive the tension between them was entirely in his own head. But that being said, it was increasingly difficult to be around Merlin, knowing that he could actually return Arthur’s feelings, but in the end just would not. It was as simple as that. Arthur had dealt for years with his disgusting _pining,_ which was hard enough, but he had accepted that it would never happen. Technically, nothing had changed. It still wouldn’t happen. But suddenly being dressed and undressed and _smiled at_ felt near impossible. 

In the end it was the pure frustration at the confusion of Gwaine’s words. If he didn’t think Arthur was being cruel because Merlin’s preferences, then in what other way could simple teasing be perceived as _cruel_? “Don’t you get it?” the knight had said, and “I won’t betray any more secrets”. There was some other factor at play here. He suddenly felt that he had become illiterate in reading the signs of his own relationship with Merlin. What had he missed? And if even Gwaine knew what it was…It was driving him insane.

That night, as Arthur sat at the table after a tense dinner, and Merlin was turning down the covers on the bed, and readying to leave, Arthur softly spoke.

“Merlin would you come sit down here with me?” He gestured to the table

Carefully and nervously Merlin padded over and lowered himself into the chair, looking like he was about to be told the world was ending.

Suddenly Arthur did not want to do this anymore. He had absolutely no plan, and clearly Merlin was uncomfortable. But there was no backing out. So he began “Merlin…I, I just wanted to talk about-“

“Gwaine told me.” Merlin interrupted, looking startled that he spoke.

“He… told you? Told you what exactly?” This just got more complicated.

“That he told you that I…” Merlin trailed off looking embarrassed.

“Oh, right…” Arthur tried his hardest not to let this awkward energy defeat him but found he had no idea what to say next. Merlin managed to forge on instead.

“And I get it. Ive noticed you acting strange this past week. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. I get it if youre sacking me. But Arthur I swear nothing has changed. Do you remember when I said I’d be happy to be your servant until the day I die? I still believe that. I just know that I’m meant to serve you. Please let me stay.” He said all this looking at the table, unable to meet Arthur’s eye. It seemed like a speech he had prepared. 

Arthur was too stunned to speak.

“Im not sacking you!” He finally burst. “Of _course_ I’m not sacking you. Gods, Merlin. No.”

“Oh. I thought…”

“I don’t, I don’t _care_ Merlin. Truth be told, I’m not immune to those thoughts either.” He said the second part of this sentence more quietly. Merlin looked up wide-eyed.

 _Shit. Why did I do that?_ He thought frantically.

“Obviously that’s not to, uh, be repeated.” He quickly followed with, swallowing and unable to meet Merlin’s eyes.

“You can trust me Arthur.” Merlin still steady in his gaze on Arthur, which had softened from fear to fondness.

“I know I can. But, Merlin, you know you can trust me too, right? You could have told me.” He managed to look at Merlin this time, overwhelmed with the look he found staring back at him.

But the nervousness returned. Merlin was quiet for a few moments, seemingly trying to come up with some explanation. Eventually his quiet reply came. “Um. It’s a bit more complicated than that.”

“What, because I’m the king? When has that ever stopped you before?” Arthur remained defiant, trying to mask his hurt.

“No…”

“Then what is it?” He demanded, softly.

Merlin looked physically pained, but seemed determined to answer. “I don’t… love… _men_. I love one man in particular.” He laughed nervously, and glanced up at Arthur.

Arthur’s heart sunk. It was like he was back to hearing about the girl. Jealousy surged in him, but now he could at least recognize it.

He couldn’t speak. He swallowed and nodded, staring at the table, and trying not to clench his teeth. Merlin noticed this reaction, and his eyes widened again, this time in hope.

“Are you going to ask me who it is?” Merlin asked slowly, cautiously.

Arthur desperately, _desperately_ , wanted to know but knew that it would kill him.

“No-“

“-You.”

Arthur’s brain stopped. He slowly looked up from the table to find Merlin’s eyes. What he saw was Merlin looking terrified gripping the edge of the table, but determined not to tear his eyes away from Arthur until he got a reaction.

“This isn’t a joke, is it?” Arthur finally managed to whisper.

Merlin shook his head slowly, tears starting to form. He looked crestfallen. And Arthur then realized his reaction so far had not been especially encouraging. But he had no idea what to do now. All he could think was to just keep talking, though his body was screaming out.

“And I’m not dreaming? Because this usually only happens in my dreams.” It was becoming harder and harder to contain the pure joy that was rising in his chest.

A confused smile worked its way onto Merlin’s face. “…Arthur?”

“You see Merlin, I think I love one man in particular, too.” Arthur was trying hard not to grin.

“Arthur, hold on, this, this is dangerous, isn’t it.” Merlin’s face was a hilarious battle between joy and terror, and Arthur couldn’t take it anymore.

“I don’t care. I _really_ don’t care.” Arthur mumbled as he pushed out of his chair and made towards Merlin.

But when he reached the other man and took caught his hands, Merlin had started to back away. “Arthur, don’t you think we should-“

“Can I kiss you?”

“I-yes.” He gave in, and met Arthur halfway.


End file.
